LGBTQ+ Family Parenting Guide

Key Takeaways

• In recent years, the number of same-sex couple households in the United States has grown, surpassing one million in 2021. 
• LGBTQ+ parents face legal and financial challenges, such as high adoption and surrogacy costs, highlighting the importance of legal guidance and understanding their rights. 
• Support groups, diverse media, inclusive communities, and other resources can empower LGBTQ+ parents to raise their children with confidence.
• If you are an LGBTQ+ couple or individual thinking about becoming a parent, our team at San Diego Fertility Center strives to provide safe, inclusive, and expert family-building services tailored to the LGBTQ+ community.

LGBTQ+ Families

According to the latest data from the Census Bureau, there were approximately 1.2 million same-sex couple households in the United States in 2021. Of these, around 710,000 were married couples, while about 500,000 were unmarried. This represents a notable increase from the approximate 594,000 same-sex partner households reported in 2000.

This increase in LGBTQ+ parenting can be attributed to the growing acceptance of diverse families and the expanding options for family-building. Historically, homophobia, exclusion, and inadequate medical care posed significant challenges for aspiring LGBTQ+ parents. While these issues have not been entirely eradicated, there have been improvements over time. Resources and acceptance for LGBTQ+ parents have been on the rise, helping individuals and couples realize their dreams of building families.

A 2023 analysis published in the British Medical Journal found that a parent’s sexual orientation does not significantly affect their children’s development. Furthermore, children raised by “sexual minority” parents might benefit in certain ways. Researchers noted that these children often show greater tolerance for diversity and are more nurturing towards younger kids compared to those with heterosexual parents. The study found no significant differences between sexual minority parents and heterosexual parents in areas like relationship satisfaction, mental health, parenting stress, or overall family functioning. 

Challenges for LGBTQ+ Parents in Family Building

Laws and regulations

Navigating family planning as an LGBTQ+ parent can be challenging due to restrictive laws and regulations in some areas. Aspiring LGBTQ+ parents should thoroughly research the legislation in the states and countries where they plan to live. It’s crucial to understand any laws that might affect custody or parental rights. For example, 14 states have religious exemption laws that permit individuals, organizations, and corporations to avoid providing services that conflict with their religious beliefs. This means state-licensed child welfare agencies can refuse to place children with, or offer services to, families, including LGBTQ+ individuals and same-sex couples, if it goes against their religious convictions.

Although U.S. federal law does not prevent LGBTQ+ families from having children or same-sex couples from adopting, these families may still encounter various restrictions and obstacles. Thus, it’s crucial for LGBTQ+ parents to stay well-informed about their rights.

The Costs of LGBTQ+ Family Planning

Planning a family as an LGBTQ+ parent can be financially challenging. Insemination and surrogacy come with significant legal and financial considerations. For example, surrogacy can range from $60,000 to over $150,000 when factoring in medical, insurance, travel, and legal expenses. Intrauterine insemination (IUI), which involves placing sperm directly into the uterus, can cost between $300 and $4,000 without insurance.

When considering adoption, insemination, or surrogacy, it’s wise to consult with a reproductive law attorney to iron out legal rights and birth certificate issues. Legal consultation fees vary and can range from $100 to $500 per hour.

Resources for Raising a Child in an LGBTQ+ Family

LGBTQ+ families navigate many of the same parenting challenges as heterosexual families, such as managing finances, fulfilling parental responsibilities, providing structure, fostering open communication, resolving conflicts healthily, and monitoring their children’s growth and health.

However, LGBTQ+ families often encounter unique hurdles. These can include social stigma, lack of support from extended family, discrimination in schools or communities, homophobia, bullying, and a traditionally heteronormative culture. Additionally, they may face extra difficulties with custody arrangements or adoption processes.

Fortunately, there are numerous resources available to support LGBTQ+ individuals and couples in their family planning and parenting journeys. Support groups, inclusive communities, and media resources can provide valuable assistance and encouragement.

Support Groups

Raising children in an LGBTQ+ family can sometimes cause parents to feel isolated from their communities. However, local and online support groups, along with allies, can offer much-needed reassurance. Many cities feature LGBTQ+ community centers that offer support groups and social events, providing resources specifically designed for LGBTQ+ parents and families.

Additionally, numerous online forums and virtual support groups are dedicated to LGBTQ+ parenting. These platforms, such as Family Equality, Reddit, and Facebook, allow LGBTQ+ families to connect, share advice, and discuss their experiences with others in similar situations.

Diverse TV & Books

Representation plays an important role in helping individuals feel comfortable, seen, and accepted. While many movies, TV shows, and books traditionally depict heterosexual parents, there is a growing presence of diverse, same-sex couples in media. 

Below are some examples of shows, films, and books that feature same-sex parents:

• Modern Family (TV)
• The Fosters (TV)
• Grey’s Anatomy (TV)
• Wendell & Wild (TV)
• The Kids are All Right (Movie)
• The Birdcage (Movie)
• Stella Brings the Family (picture book)
• Mama and Mommy and Me in the Middle (picture book)
• Heather Has Two Mommies (picture book)
• A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo (children’s book)
• Daddy, Papa, and Me (children’s book)
• And Tango Makes Three (children’s book)
• Bathe the Cat (picture book)

Check for Inclusivity

When choosing child care, schools, or extracurricular activities, prioritize environments that embrace inclusivity and celebrate diversity. Research organizations and institutions that demonstrate a commitment to supporting all children, including those from LGBTQ+ families. Seek out places where your child will thrive in a welcoming and nurturing environment. 

Therapy and Counseling

Navigating parenthood is a unique journey for every family, and LGBTQ+ families are no exception. If you're facing any challenges or anxieties along the way, remember that seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be a powerful tool. Whether you opt for individual, couples, or family therapy, a therapist can provide guidance and understanding.  

The good news is, you don't have to feel limited by location. With the growing number of therapists available online and through telehealth platforms, you can find a provider who aligns with your family's specific needs, including factors like age, gender, faith, or sexual orientation. This ensures that you can connect with a therapist who feels like a good fit, creating a safe and supportive space for your family to thrive. The Journal of Medical Internet Research found that when it comes to treating less common mental health issues and physical conditions that need psychological support, there isn't enough evidence to show that therapy done through telehealth (online) is any different from therapy done in person. However, this review did not include any evidence for more serious mental health conditions, like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

Additional Resources

• Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere (COLAGE)
• Gay Parent Magazine
• Human Rights Campaign Foundation (HRC)
• Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians, Gays, Bisexual and Transgender (PFLAG)
• Strong Family Alliance
• The Trevor Project

Bottom line

Although LGBTQ+ families are less prevalent than heterosexual families in the U.S., they can still raise children with confidence. For those who are just beginning their parenting journey or already have children, a variety of support groups, communities, and resources are available to help them nurture their families with assurance.

If you are an LGBTQ+ couple or individual thinking about becoming a parent, our team at San Diego Fertility Center is here to support you. Our center strives to provide safe, inclusive, and expert family-building services tailored to the LGBTQ+ community. To learn more, please explore our resources for LGBTQ+ family building.

This blog is for informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice.  Please consult with your physician or a qualified healthcare provider for any health concerns or before making any decisions related to your health or treatment.